Day 1 - Mission Statement and Intentions of Self-inflicted Trauma

DAY 1

It began in February of this year. At my workplace (a global company with 20,000+ employees) a 10-week fitness challenge. Simple.

Goals: count your steps, your exercise minutes, and track your weight loss.

Teams of ten.

So became "The Weapons of Mass Reduction". Of course my name was chosen. It's right and wrong at the same time.

Day 1 I weighed in a 199.6lbs. I'm 6'2" and thirty... um... 8? Yeah. 39 in Sept.

It's not the heaviest I've been but within a few pounds.

That was then. This is now. Exercise 6 days a week on average. Better nutrition. Loseit.com to track food in the last half.

I'm now just a skooch over 175.

Now, backup 5 weeks or so. I stumble upon an infomercial. It's called "INSANITY".

What is Insanity? Apparently a 60-day, 6 day per week, 45 min per day "total body conditioning program" of about 13 DVDs utilizing "Max Interval Training."

The propaganda from the site:

The secret to these mind-blowing results: MAX Interval Training. Shaun T took traditional interval training and flipped it on its head—you perform long bursts of maximum-intensity exercises with short periods of rest. Each workout keeps you constantly challenged as you alternate between aerobic and anaerobic intervals performed at your MAX. The result: burn up to 1,000 calories in an hour and get the most insane body in 60 days.

So that's the back story. I had no doubt back then I was in no condition to attempt such a piece of madness... but when I hit 175? Hell yeah. Why not?

Runs about $150.

$40 if you don't mind dealing with a gentleman from China who sends you messages like this:

"Honey, i'm very sorry for the late ship,but please don't worry, i have ship your item out,and post the tracking number here. please excuse me,ok?wait for it,don't dispute with me,my dear friend. thank you for your help,thank you for your purchase! Track web; www.17track.net about 10-25 days can receive. please wait for it,thank u. best regards for you!"

(this was in reaction to the fact that the MOMENT I paid for the item, ebay sent me a message telling me that the item had been pulled down do to fishiness)

My response: (after reporting him to ebay and paypal)

"You have been reported. If I get a tracking number I'll consider closing the case. I want you to know that I KNOW people in China. Remember that."

So the package DID arrive and it wasn't even a bootleg... but I prefer my warning shots instead of just hoping for the best.

This is my nightmare:

So the Mission then: Do the 60 day program. Simple.

(I read some reviews done by professional fitness people and they all basically agreed that it was insane AND practically impossible. Even better.)

So then to Day 1: 30 minute "fitness test"

Very cordial way to tell you that your shit it about to be fucked up. Did I mention MAX interval? So the goal is to blast the shit out of your cardio AND muscles with tiny rest breaks.

Fitness test is counting how many of a specific "moves" you can do in a minute. Again. Simple.

(I'd also like to point out that I picked this program ALSO for the fact that there appeared to be ZERO dance moves. I don't dance. I'm terrifically coordinated but have ZERO rhythm. )

The names of these evil fucking moves: Switch Kicks, Power Jacks, Power Knees, Power Jumps, Globe Jumps, Suicide Jumps, Push-up Jacks, Low Plank Oblique. Number completed in order: 58, 57, 68 (looking GOOD! feeling STRONGish) 38, 5, 11, 12, 35.

It got harder. Panting, pouring sweat. Pushing hard.

I completed it, exhausted. Head filled with blood and aching slightly. Limbs weak and trembly.

Globe Jumps were the worst because 4 of them = 1 rep...
Thank God for the seats in the shower.

3 hours later? legslegslegs OW.

Rut-roh.

So tomorrow, the real program begins. Insanity. I believe it and I have barely started.

Obligatory "before" picture... only way to really tell.